Everyone,
As I mentioned earlier, I recently realized that I had forgotten to pursue the rest of my book review on Grown-up Girlfriends. You may remember this book is about the importance of maintaining and sustaining friendships in real life. I have already covered subjects such as:
1.) The Purpose Of Friendship
2.) The Challenges In Creating Friendships-these can be both internal and external. Although, most of the time we create them ourselves.
3.) We must be committed to knowing God and becoming the women God wants us to be.
4.) The Characteristics of Grown-Up Friendships. Knowing its purpose is important
a. takes the focus of you
b. gives us hope for the future
c. May reduce feelings of rejection
5.) Learning that every relationship has different levels of intimacy. We give and receive different amounts of information, depending on the level of trust.
a. Some friendships are for fun; they primarily share opinions and common interests.
b. Others have the opportunity to go deeper, sharing our hopes and fears for the future.
c. It is important to note that not all friends are at the same level. It is like that for a purpose. They fulfill a need that God created.
These are the main points from chapters 1-3; today, I will continue with chapters 4 and 5 in a effort to finish up the book. Feel free to e-mail me with opinions about these posts, so that I know whether to continue it.
In chapter 4, we learn that the "grown-up girlfriend" is committed to knowing herself.
Ask yourself these questions: What is The Status of Your Heart? Is it Open and Closed? If you have had hurtful experiences in friendships, it is possible that you may have close your heart. Contrary to popular opinion, love is not just a feeling; it is a choice biblically founded. See Mark 12:28-31.
It has also important to note that we are not capable of generating this love ourselves . It comes from God. See I John 4:7-8, 18-19.
If your heart is closed:
1) Acknowledge that and gave your heart time to process what you are feeling.
2) Seek God for guidance; ask God to change your heart. See 1 John 4:7-21
How does our heart gets closed? It is important to note what motivates us and "pushes our buttons" Believe it or not, fear often causes our heart to close. I'm not talking about physical fear fear, but the emotional ones. Fear of being rejected and abandoned by a friend to name a few. Knowing this about ourselves has the potential for a deeper understanding and stops a negative reaction and a chain reaction to others.
Some negative impacts of fear are:
1) Because of fear, we talk about the surface issues rather than the "real" ones
2) Because of fear, our initial choice is to react instead of respond to that conflict. Take for example, the biblical example of Genesis 3: 10
3) This fear can create a co-dapendency. At this time, our focus is more on what our friend should do, leaving us feeling helpless. Therefore, we often feel the need to "manipulate" the situation.
The flip side to fear and its chain reactions to friends-and sometimes keeps us communicating even when we don't want to!
In chapter 5, the grown-up friend learns how to set and maintain boundaries
What exactly are boundaries? See Mark 12: 30-31
This means honoring both your heart and the heart of your friend
Emotional Boundaries
When it comes to emotional boundaries, most people fit into one of two categories. They either let their emotions control them or are "emotionally stuck".
Having healthy emotional boundaries prevents us from becoming "overly involved" and emotional in a situation.
So where do you fit in? Ask your friends for feedback
Having healthy boundaries also ensure healthy expectations on the friendship for both parties.
These boundaries often remind us our "unique identity" as a woman. We each are different and should not conform to the habits or views of others
Well, that's about it for chapters 4 and 5. Let me know what you think.. Should I continue writing down the important points from this book or should I move on to Patrick Henry's "I Am Potential". Your feedback is appreciated.
*Despite the fact that this book is primarily for girls, I believe many of these concepts can be applied to other relationships.
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Notes taken from the book "Grown-Up Girlfriends: Finding and Keeping Real Friends In the Real World" by Erin Smalley and Carrie Oliver