On Thursday, Charlie Sheen unleashed a vitriolic, yet ill-conceived, radio rant in which he mainly targeted "Two and a Half Men" creator/writer Chuck Lorre, calling him -- among other things -- a "charlatan" and approaching ethnic slur territory by repeatedly calling Lorre a Hebrew variation of his birth name: Chaim Levine.
As our esteemed colleague Lisa de Moraes reported, CBS's reaction was nothing short of career-ending: Production on what is (inexplicably) the highest rated sitcom on TV has been shut down for the remainder of the season "based on the totality of Charlie Sheen’s statements, conduct and condition."
So, what did he say? Listen to the 18-minute "Alex Jones Show" interview here. It's breathtaking in its own sad, pitiful way. Sheen comes off as a rabid egomaniac who spends his days holed up in his home theater watching "Apocalypse Now," a movie in which his father starred and relating his life to the movie's mysterious (yet aptly insane) Col. Kurtz:
On his sobriety:
"Here's your pee test. Next one goes in your mouth."
On his three girlfriends (we assume):
"The goddesses. I don't believe the term is good enough. But when you're bound by these terrestrial descriptions, you must use the best term available... What we all have is a marriage of the heart."
On who's holding him back:
"I'm dealing with fools and trolls.. I don't have time for their judgment and stupidity. You know they lay down with their ugly wives in front of their ugly children and say 'I can't process it.' Well no, you never will. Just sit back and enjoy the show."
On why he's better than the average bear:
"I didn't care about that vanity card. That's one of the few compliments that clown has paid me in almost a decade. If I bring up these turds, these little homunculese (?) losers, there's no reason to then bring them back into the fold. Because I have real fame and they have nothing."
On his beef with "Two and a Half Men" creator Chuck Lorre:
"I'm tired of being told you can't talk about that. Bull [expletive]. It's nothing this side of deplorable that Chaim Levine -- yeah that's his real name mistook this rock star for his exit strategy. I embarrassed him in front of his children by healing at a pace that his brain can't process. Last time I checked, Chaim, I've spent the last decade turning your tin cans into gold. And this charlatan chose not to do his job, which is to write. Clearly someone who believes he's above the law. You've been warned, dude, bring it."
On his self-confidence:
"I got magic. I got poetry in my fingertips. Most of the time, and this includes naps, I'm an F18 bro and I will destroy you in the air and deploy my ordinance to the ground."
On his latest tattoo:
"Getting a tattoo during the death from above scene [in 'Apocalypse Now']. It's a banner from the death card that Kilgore is throwing on his victims. But also on it is the apple from 'The Giving Tree.' There's my life. Deal with it. Oh wait, can't process it. Losers. Winning. Buh-bye!"
On the prospect of a "Major League 3":
"I agreed to do it. There's just one detail they need to work out. If I'm in it it's a smash. If I'm not, it's a turd that opens on a tug boat."
As our esteemed colleague Lisa de Moraes reported, CBS's reaction was nothing short of career-ending: Production on what is (inexplicably) the highest rated sitcom on TV has been shut down for the remainder of the season "based on the totality of Charlie Sheen’s statements, conduct and condition."
So, what did he say? Listen to the 18-minute "Alex Jones Show" interview here. It's breathtaking in its own sad, pitiful way. Sheen comes off as a rabid egomaniac who spends his days holed up in his home theater watching "Apocalypse Now," a movie in which his father starred and relating his life to the movie's mysterious (yet aptly insane) Col. Kurtz:
On his sobriety:
"Here's your pee test. Next one goes in your mouth."
On his three girlfriends (we assume):
"The goddesses. I don't believe the term is good enough. But when you're bound by these terrestrial descriptions, you must use the best term available... What we all have is a marriage of the heart."
On who's holding him back:
"I'm dealing with fools and trolls.. I don't have time for their judgment and stupidity. You know they lay down with their ugly wives in front of their ugly children and say 'I can't process it.' Well no, you never will. Just sit back and enjoy the show."
On why he's better than the average bear:
"I didn't care about that vanity card. That's one of the few compliments that clown has paid me in almost a decade. If I bring up these turds, these little homunculese (?) losers, there's no reason to then bring them back into the fold. Because I have real fame and they have nothing."
On his beef with "Two and a Half Men" creator Chuck Lorre:
"I'm tired of being told you can't talk about that. Bull [expletive]. It's nothing this side of deplorable that Chaim Levine -- yeah that's his real name mistook this rock star for his exit strategy. I embarrassed him in front of his children by healing at a pace that his brain can't process. Last time I checked, Chaim, I've spent the last decade turning your tin cans into gold. And this charlatan chose not to do his job, which is to write. Clearly someone who believes he's above the law. You've been warned, dude, bring it."
On his self-confidence:
"I got magic. I got poetry in my fingertips. Most of the time, and this includes naps, I'm an F18 bro and I will destroy you in the air and deploy my ordinance to the ground."
On his latest tattoo:
"Getting a tattoo during the death from above scene [in 'Apocalypse Now']. It's a banner from the death card that Kilgore is throwing on his victims. But also on it is the apple from 'The Giving Tree.' There's my life. Deal with it. Oh wait, can't process it. Losers. Winning. Buh-bye!"
On the prospect of a "Major League 3":
"I agreed to do it. There's just one detail they need to work out. If I'm in it it's a smash. If I'm not, it's a turd that opens on a tug boat."
