Karen Kingsbury - Leaving

I've featured Karen Kingsbury books on my blog before, but this one holds a lot of significance for me. Not only because I'm reading it right now, but I'm struggling with the decisions Bailey is making in the book. As many of you may know from reading my blog or being my friend in real life, it's always been a dream of mine to get a place of my own- a separate life from my parents. After all, I accomplished my goal once before: why can't I do it again??

The answer is quite simple really.. I can, but it's all a matter of timing-God's Timing! In short, I can plan all I want; but if it isn't God's will, it won't work out. That being said, I have a lot of decisions ahead of me.. I just hope I make the right ones!

Personal reflection: two steps forward, one step back

Dear Readers & Friends:


It's been approximately three months since my surgery: since then, I have seen positive outcomes of my left arm. (an increase my range as well as beginning to to using my joystick) Lately, though, I can't help but feel my progress is slowing. Not only do I have what feels like electric pulses going through my arm on a daily basis, but it has become increasingly difficult for me to wear my night splint at night. But still, I persevere. Doctors told me to expect that eventually my arm would want to return to their original position, I can only assume that's what's my muscles are trying to accomplish. I know I probably have nothing to worry about since I'm going to therapy and doing practically everything I'm told and more..

I've come so far and I don't want to think about going back. It's just hard feeling things you haven't been accustomed to and not knowing what they mean. Either way, I will bring it up with the OT when I see her on Wednesday.

Until then please keep me in your prayers.

Debbie

PS. I'm sorry if I worried any of my readers by writing this, but I just needed to get my feelings off my chest. Acknowledge them and I hoped that I would feel better
It's just weird, when you know your arm didn't feel like this at the beginning

True for My Reflections: Expectations of the 20th Century Woman

Okay,

So I've covered this subject many times before, for some reason though, the subject has been on my heart this week. Like most of my friends, I continue to struggle finding my place in this world. After all, I am thirty years old. I should be settled by now, right? Independent, working and let's not forget, married. These are the typical expectations of every young woman in today's society.

It's sad but true. These expectations send the wrong message to young women who are still trying to find themselves; they can also lead single women to question the way that they experience life. I'll be honest when I say I feel totally inept as I see my friends (those that are married or about to be) experiencing the trials and tribulations of real-life. What can I say to them? Nothing. My words won't do it justice. Because I haven't experienced it myself... At least that's what society puts in our heads.

And sometimes, we as 20 century women, believe it! This is just one of the storylines that Karen Kingsbury focuses on in her Above the Line series.

There's no denying the frustration that comes with watching your friends and family achieve their goals so easily. But don't forget, it's not as important that you experience life, only that you hold yourself to God's standards, remembering that he is controlling your comings and goings. In his timing, if it be His will, you may meet your future husband. Some may not, but that doesn't mean you are not worthy. It just means that you are prepared to do God's work as a single woman. After all, the Bible does not say "All women should wed", it says instead that "Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion." (I Corinthians 7:8-9)

Encouragement : Another song of the day

Dear Friends,

Over the past few weeks, I have learned a lot about perseverance and what a true commitment to God really looks like. Recently, my church did a sermon that caused me to re-examine the direction my life was going: the sermon was entitled "Recalculating" using the metaphor of a GPS as its focus. The main question, if memory serves, was something as follows: What will people remember about you 10 years after your death? That question really sinks to the bottom of the issue, who are you living for and does it in fact show in the markings of your daily life?

My dad has more notes written on the sermon, but that's all I could remember from memory. Still, it really makes someone wonder.. If I am truly the Christian I say I am, am I truly using the gifts to give God the glory in my life?

I'll be honest, it's hard to answer yes to that question all the time . But remember God is controlling all the events of the day and he prepared works for his faithful to do. That being said, I was reminded of an old gospel song by Steve Green "He who began a good work in you" based on scriptures (Philippians 1:6) and I thought I would pass this along.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eNjZlHARnEk
Debbie

The Battle Wages On..

Hey Guys,




As I'm sure all of you know, this weekend marked the ninth anniversary of the fall of the Twin Towers in New York City. For many of us, this tragedy is an outward symbol of the ongoing struggle in this world. Every day, the news is plagued by some type of death and destruction, political imbalance or neighborhood tragedy. At first glance, these subjects may have nothing in common; but they only could mean one thing. In the midst of all this chaos, it is obvious that people are searching... for answers, for purpose, and for God.




A closer look at Ephesians 6 not only acknowledges the physical tensions going on today, but focuses our attention on the spiritual battle going on in the human soul. According to the King James version, it reads as follows: "Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might. Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. "

These are scary words for anyone, including Christians. That is, until we remember the assurance of God in our lives. It comes in remembering the solid foundation of God's promises for all who believe in him as well as living in the assurance of His Presence in Our Lives (Psalms 99:1). Too often, we get caught up in the things of this world and forget God's Power; after all, he is in control and protects His Children. Like Psalms 55: 22 lovingly reminds us to, we should "cast our cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; He will never let the righteous fall".
At some point, we all feel under attack- beaten down by our circumstances, persecuted for our beliefs, or simply disliked because we are different. In all of this, we have a choice to make. We can either let our struggles define us as a person or we can rise above them in order to find the lesson. Who knows we might even find God in the midst of it all!

I certainly felt this way this week...

Lessons from Dallas

1 Peter 3: 15- " But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect.."

Powerful words, right?

Imagine the impact these words would have if we actually acted on them

Last weekend, I had a chance to experience this impact in action as my parents and I traveled back to Ohio for the first Medina Baptist Church High School Bible class reunion. Stepping into the sanctuary, it was as if no time had passed between the group and you could feel the love of God in the room. They had gathered together to reminisce as well as show their appreciation for the one man whom God placed in their lives to share with them the importance of having a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.

Dallas.. What can I say about a man I've only met once in my life? I can't say enough! Not only is he the humblest person I I've met in my life, but he gives God the credit for everything.I'm so grateful that he served as such a role model for my parents. Now I understand where the conviction for their faith stems from... I can only hope that kind of conviction stays intact throughout the decades.

I don't know about you but sometimes it's hard to give any answer in regards to our faith. Especially if it's something we've grown up believing all our lives. It's personal and uncomfortable when someone doubts who you are and what you believe at your very core. But it makes you think.

Just such an experience happened to me at the reunion. A fellow attendee noticed me sitting by myself as a group was taking a final picture. He must have seen me growing a little bored (I have a tendency to do that at reunions, I don't know why) and sat down to talk to me. I was prepared for the usual small talk (how are you? What are you doing these days?, That kind of thing)

"Do you feel like you have a personal relationship with Jesus? " Tom asked

In the midst of spewing verse after verse, I was taken aback. He was confident and unassuming when it came to matters of the heart. This has been the first time someone had asked me to give a testament to my faith and I couldn't do it (not to my satisfactory at least!) How could someone question my intentions when I was attending a Christian function?

After my conversation with Tom, I was a bit shaken and doubting my commitment to God. When you are confronted and forced to face the reality of your humanness, it can scare you to death. But that's when you have to remind yourself you're not in this alone. There comes a point where you have to ask God to carry you because you can't climb the stairs of life and perfection any further.

This is where God's commitment to us comes into play. Not only did he show his ultimate commitment and love for us by giving his life on the cross, but in reality he's the one that's holding onto us

My Reflections: Then And Now

Welcome back ~



Accessibility and jobs are high on the list of people with disabilities today. Rightly so. We have a long way to go when it comes the high standards set forth by the United States of America. But really, look at how far we've come in such a short time. It was not too long ago that we had to wait for specific buses to get us from place to place. Now virtually all forms of transportation are handicapped accessible, allowing us to not be "segregated" as a group. (I use the term loosely, mind you.) From the start, it hasn't been easy getting what we needed to become independent and self-sufficient citizens. But it should make us grateful for what we have knowing what we had to go through to get it.



I was reminded of this fact when I watched yet another syndicated episode of Highway to Heaven. The episode was entitled "Squeaky Wheel" and deals with a disabled veteran's struggle to work. After several weeks of being late to job (because the lift broke on the bus and they had to send for another), Wayne Secrest gets fired. The sparks a whole new journey for the couple when they cross paths with Mark and Jonathan. As part of their assignment, they get Wayne involved with their disability awareness group for the advancement of the handicapped. For example, he goes to the reopening of an old business to protest the lack of the handicapped access. As a result, the owner of the company is impressed and offers him a job in public relations.



In the end, Wayne is given the Man of the Year Award and says some inspirational remarks. In part, he says, "There is no question that throughout our lives we are continually learning new lessons. We have to in order to grow as human beings. That's why we have to go out and teach, never stop teaching making each other aware of of the special needs and problems of handicapped people. How else can we learn unless we know? Give us a chance to get to work and we'll do the job, give us a chance to be part of the world and we'll make it a better world."



Another quote that hit me was this , "I learned that your manhood isn't measured by your legs, it's not your ability to stand tall and face a fight.. your manhood- your humanness is in the mind, it's in the heart, it's in the soul!"
-- --

Citation for TV program: "The Squeaky Wheel " Highway to Heaven. Gospel Music Channel 224 GMC, 22nd June 2010. Original air date: June 16, 1989

Memories

Hey Folks ~
So, it's Friday again and I'm gearing up for my two-week adventure with my family. We will be renting a cabin and reminiscing about the good old times. Maybe seeing a few friends along the way! For that reason, I am feeling quite nostalgic today.
I was sorting through e-mails of disability alerts when I was reminded of my early days at the Del Ray Center. This center provided information and schooling for those with disabilities and their parents. It was there that I found my voice and developed my social skills. My favorite game was when all my friends would pretend to be asleep until someone would say the magic words.. "wake up"
Sounds silly, I know; but looking back that request sort of prepared me for what I am doing today- using my words to reach others through the computer all with the power of my voice!

The Big Debate

Welcome back~



Over the last year, I've expressed increasing frustration with my disability. Having cerebral palsy, spasms and rigidity have become a way of life for me; but its gotten progressively worse as I've grown. I've tried just about everything from Botox to therapy to increase my range of motion and abilities.. Unfortunately, these techniques only offered temporary "fixes" to my problem. As a result, I am forced to look into the final and most permanent option- Surgery.



I had an appointment today with Dr. Edwards. The appointment went well, Dr. Edwards said my situation was better than most then he's dealt with. He suggested that I undergo a muscle lengthening in my left arm to increase my range of motion and it that works maybe going on to my wrist. It would involve a outpatient surgery (2 to 3 hours), casting for several weeks and three months of therapy. He is hopeful that I may be able to drive my chair after that. I don't know how I feel about the surgery; but I have a lot of apprehension going into it considering all the risks involved (blood clots, nerve damage etc.) I've never liked surgery, let's face it, no one does!



But if I do decide to proceed, the surgery will probably take place late August early September.

Personal Update

So,
It's no secret I have been struggling lately. Who wouldn't, especially having a disability? As a fellow blogger recently put it, "sometimes it just slaps you in the face."

What does it say, you may ask?

My reply is: "This is your life! Just deal with it.."

But sometimes I just can't. Overall, I work with caring people who know me and accept me for who I am at my core- a 29-year-old (almost 30) young woman stuck in a body that doesn't work. But I'm not always going going to be that lucky. I know this. I accept it. But that doesn't mean it's easy for me.

Take this week for example. My original personal care assistant is away on vacation visiting family. So I am dealing with another personal care assistant until she returns sometime after my birthday. I know she is trying, and I am as well. But it just ain't working.. As I have stated in previous posts, finding people who understand me is key. Because if you don't understand me, how can you help me?

Then, there is the usual hurdles of getting people to treat you as the adult that you are, capable of making your own decisions. The "mothering" instinct is what I'm talking about here..

Still, I cope, knowing that this situation is just temporary. But it frustrates me, knowing this will always be a part of my life that I'm going to deal with- people coming in and out of my life in order to sustain my independent living. But as I have said, my parents aren't always going to be here- so better to prepare myself ahead of time.

I just wish I had better coping skills.

Anyway, there's my personal update. I have enclosed several other links to similar posts on coping with your disability and personal assistants:

http://lovethatmax.blogspot.com/2010/01/blog-post.html

http://lifeofthedifferentlyabled.wordpress.com/2010/04/08/the-flip-side-of-personal-care-attendants/

Weakness

Okay,

So I've been thinking a lot about weaknesses this week. Not only because my family is going through a lot right now, but because I'm questioning my purpose. Are things ever going to settle down in Virginia? Am I ever going to find a place where I fit in here? I mean, my parents are fitting in great into their role as grandparents. But me? I struggle as a aunt, trying to find different ways to connect with the girls despite my disability. It really doesn't help that I have little to no friends down here. If I did, it wouldn't matter to me how much time we spent with the kids. I could do my own thing if I wanted. They are grandparents, they deserve to act like it! But sometimes, I can't help but feel left out. Let's face it, that's part of the reason why we moved out here, so they could be grandparents.

Anyway, in many respects, I feel weak. I wonder when my time will come to be settled; with a job, an apartment, a love, etc. Not to sound ungrateful, because I'm not. But it's high time my life get started again. But then I remember an important verse. 2 Corinthians 12:9

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me"

Personal Reflections:

Welcome Back Readers,

It's the beginning of another week and I continue to be amazed at how fast the time passes. There never seems to be enough time for everything ; something always remains unfinished everyday and I wonder if I will be able to finish tomorrow. But I guess that is something everyone struggles with. Priorities and how to manage one's time wisely so that at the end of the day, you will have no regrets.

Regrets. Everybody has them in one form or another . We wouldn't be human if we didn't. After all, no one is ever promised an easy life.. Despite the fact that this is how the Christian life is characterized, it's not true. In times of difficulty, the question of "Where is God?" is often asked. As hard as it is to believe, he's right there! Ready and willing to help you through any situation that arises if you will just allow him too. Notice that I said through and NOT around! The struggles of this life are meant to help build character and teach us lessons that we wouldn't have learned otherwise.

I 've been running this race as a Christian for a while now, and I still can't seem to wrap my mind around this lesson at times. At times, I find myself becoming bitter with my circumstance; this can block whatever blessings God may have for me that day. I often wonder if this is just a stage of life I'm going through or if it will fade with time and God's grace and mercy. I have been reading Joni Eareckson's new book, A Lifetime Of Wisdom: Embracing the Ways God Heals You and surprisingly she says anger is sometimes good when it points you to God. He would rather have someone who is open and honest with Him rather than a polite and etiquette- acceptable prayer. That's what makes it a relationship with God, instead of what people refer to as "religion".

This is a topic that has laid heavy on my heart for a while now. I apologize if it doesn't really make sense, I should have written about it earlier so that I could have gotten all my ideas down. But I tend to shy away from post of a personal nature because of the simple fact that potential employers could see my writing.

Stayed tuned for Wednesday as I highlight one of my favorite movies, "The Note" and how it relates to encouragement as well as this idea of second chances.

Thanks for reading,
Debbie

Personal Reflection: If My Grandmothers Could See Me Now

Hello again~

Not long ago, I received a letter from a fellow reader and relative. She wrote saying how this long has allowed her to get to know me on a more personal level. She reminded me about how my grandmother once encouraged me to write a book based on my life; the book would be a blessing to other people in my situation. If they could see me now..

I wonder what they'd think

I know this was a short post, but I am just now catching up.

My reflections: Time

Okay,

So, I've been thinking a lot about my use of time lately. My daily routine consists of checking Facebook, feeding my virtual pets and then I often get sucked into playing some new game my friends passed on to me. By the end of the day, I am left wondering where the time went. No one is promised tomorrow.. That's why we should value the time we are given.

Just my thoughts for today.. I promise there will be something disability related tomorrow.

Finding Myself Again

Hey Guys~

Another week and I seem to be behind again. Over the past few weeks, my days have been consumed by physical therapy as well as doctors'appointments. Don't get me wrong, I know they are an important part of the "growing" process. But I only have one life to live and can't spend it all doing what is necessary-I have to be able to look back on my life and say I have enjoyed every minute, treating my life for what it is.. a gift! Since moving to Virginia, I have kind of lost sight of this-letting other people help in deciding what's best for me. In the process, I've kind of lost myself.

It's the simple things of life

Okay,

Once again, it seems like I'm behind on my posts. There has been a lot of of drama around my household this week, so it's been hard for me to get "quality" time on my computer. But when I did, I just wanted to relax and not think. Long story short, we are on yet another search for personal assistants. Out of all my dreams, I would have never imagined it taking this long or being this exhausting -and believe me I've had my experiences. I've been getting help from personal assistance since I was 18 at least. I hate to admit it, but Virginia has been one of the hardest states to find good PA's.

But I digress..

A while back, I was talking with my dad about how lucky I was to have such a positive college experience. Part of it due to the friendly students and staff. Granted, they were a Christian /Lutheran College-but they went beyond the call of duty adapting their college to make sure I could fully participate. It was during that time that I discovered what was as a person, beyond the confines of my disability. As well as college extracurricular activities, I also became a part of the "7th Heaven" club; this was a group of guys and girls they gathered at various dorms to watch CW's 7th Heaven. These girls often accompanied me, rain or shine, to the dorm just so I could take part. This may seem like a simple task, but it was a constant reminder to me that my disability didn't play a role in my friendship with them. What a amazing lesson, that was for me.

In short, I hope this personal story shows you that the little things in life make a difference. So, if you have a friend who is disabled or struggling, do something to let them know they matter to you today. It doesn't have to be a weekly club, just remind them they matter. You have no idea how it will influence their life in the long run.

PS. I am still a avid fan of the show since it went off the air. And I still keep in touch with many of my friends from the 7th Heaven club today

It's been one of those weeks

Hey Guys~

My apologies, it's just been one of those weeks. You know the kind I'm talking about.. the kind where you are once again reminded about permanence of your situation. Your days are consumed with therapy and doctors appointments. You know they have your "best interest" at heart, but you just want to be left alone to live your life. You need to get away, time to breathe and be yourself. You need to remember how special you are in your family's eyes as well as God. After having 14 shots of Botox and training yet another personal assistant, you have no idea how much I was looking forward to this weekend. Maybe it's just me but I don't feel as if this round of Botox is working like the last one. Although, with this stressful life I live, so many factors could influence it.. As I'm writing this, even, I'm wearing a plastic wrist splint on my left arm and having spasms..

Anyway, these are the days and weeks that I need to be lifted up to "higher ground". This idea is not a new one. In fact last night I came across this devotional than I thought I would share with you. It involves one of my mentors, Joni Erickson Tada. In that, she tells the story of one time she was in a car accident on the way to a speaking engagement. They looked to see whether her legs were swollen-a signal to her that something was going wrong in her body. At first, nothing happened and they proceeded to the airport.

In her own words, I will continue the story: "All seemed fine, so we cautiously proceeded on to the airport. Midway through our flight, my leg began to swell. When we arrived at our destination, an ambulance took me to the hospital where x-rays confirmed I had broken my leg. It was 3:30 a.m. by the time they put on a cast and released me to go back to our hotel. To calm my nerves, I asked God if he would give me a hymn to sing. Immediately, I began humming, "Lord, lift me up and let me stand, by faith on heaven's tableland; a higher plain than I have found - Lord, plant my feet on higher ground." The next day I traveled onto Lancaster Bible College to give the commencement address. As I sat on the platform, the graduation program began with a hymn. The audience stood and sang - I couldn't believe it! - "Still praying as I'm onward bound, 'Lord, plant my feet on higher ground.'" In that moment, she was reminded of God and his constant presence in every circumstances.

Next time you feel down, look around God shows himself in many different ways. I have to remember my citizenship is that of Heaven. Where no pain and discomfort exists

Chronic Babes: No, it's not not what you think!

Welcome back, everyone~



While I await for responses to my previous series, I will reflect back on this week. It's certainly been a long one for me. Most days I am on the go too busy to reflect on my life in a wheelchair. After all, that's the way things are going to be for the rest of my life. Why dwell on something I can't probably ever change -unless by some miracle Jesus decides to heal me with the help of science in the future.

Most days, I wake up saying, "Yes, I am disabled. Now, how can I make the best out of my circumstances today?" I don't allow myself to dwell on the negative feelings that can sometimes surface when you realize that finality of the circumstances. But every once in a while God allows you to go there. That is what happened to me today.



My almost 4 year-old niece was downstairs with me while my mom was helping me get ready for the day. Elizabeth (that's my niece's name) , asked my mom to help her. I think it's because she's at that age where she is growing more curious about my disability and why she continues to have to help me with everything. Mom explained it's because my legs don't work. She proceeded to show her how far my legs moved or didn't move as the case was. Long story short, that illustration really reminded me of how limited I was.

That leads me to ask you, how do you explain a disability to your little ones?

On to today's post, I came across this new website that considers people with disabilities just as beautiful as anyone else. Please feel free to take a look: http://www.chronicbabe.com/

Easter

Okay,

So I have had a pretty busy week and a discouraging one at that. The process of finding the right personal assistant for me is taking way longer than I ever expected. We just can't seem to find people that could our needs; instead, we are expected to fit to the agency's. I may be completely off base here, but I think that's the wrong philosophy. After all, you're helping people and impacting their lives by caring for them. It's not about business, or at least it shouldn't be. These people are depending on you to live independently as well as becoming successful American citizens trying to make their way in the world. That's why I'm slightly disappointed with Virginia. I knew things would be different here, but I never imagined it would be this difficult. At least I have my parents I can depend on.. But, unfortunately, it won't always be that way. I'm 28, going on 29 (in two weeks) and can't help but wonder what the future holds for me.. Still, I guess I have to trust in God and his plans for the future. I don't know about you guys, but as I get older, I find this task increasingly difficult.

On another note, my therapy continues.. In the beginning, I was amazed by the progress I've made; but now I am not so sure. I'll admit part of it is because we still have to find the right hand splints for me to wear daily, so I'm not really seeing the whole impact. Sometimes I wonder though, why my life has to be this difficult. I mean, it's just another thing my parents and I have to do.. I wonder when it will be enough.

Anyway, in keeping with this theme, I would like to pose a question to my readers. How do you cope with your disability on your bad days? I would love to hear your opinions and thoughts. Until then, here's one man's take on "Making Every Day A Good Day". Feel free to take a look.

http://secondchancetolive.wordpress.com/2009/04/06/what-empowers-me-to-go-and-make-it-a-good-day-part-1/

Personal Reflections: Not My Best Few Days

Okay,

So I haven't had the best few days. If you would have asked me a while ago, I would have told you I was done most of my growing. But I guess I was wrong. I continue to learn that growth is in fact part of a never ending process to self-improvement. Over the past few months, my journey towards more independence hasn't been easy. In fact, I find myself taking more steps back then forward-in terms of the tightness of my muscles.

I am dumbfounded and looking for answers .. how can someone who has come so far in so many years just change so drastically? In an effort to search for answers, I used the web and came across this interesting article regarding the effect of CP on the maturity of a person. I thought I would pass it along to my readers. If anyone else is going through this struggle, please feel free to e-mail me. I'd be interested in hearing your story

http://www.bccerebralpalsy.com/growingup.htm

FYI, I'm sorry for this post. But these are just some things I had to get off my chest. I promise to be more positive in the upcoming post.

Best regards,

Debbie